The Diary of Alexander Mason
by raven01uk
Summary: A fresh start and a new life...in a different Galaxy...bit extreme, anyway er this is my blog slash journal slash insane ranting of a twenty something homo, ergo contains slash, violence and language, come read and review. Enjoy!
1. New Born

"Gentlemen I need good reasons," she walked down the corridor with a high pace, and impatience for two scientists and their trivial disagreements, Elizabeth had been called to the Operations Platforms by the Sergeant who played a key role in the recent Wraith incident.

"The Atlantis Expedition has always consisted of qualified and experience personnel I hardly feels he fits the bill," argues Kavanagh; strongly, to convince Dr Weir to make a decision for his own gain.

"Yes but still doesn't changes the facts, he is still the only person on this base who can translate the Ancient Language faster and more syntactically and grammatically accurate than the computer programs, or maybe this has something to do with your inability to do it by yourself,"

"Rodney," she snapped making sure he kept in line with his debate without the need for low blows and personal attacks.

"Look he was assigned to Kavanagh's team cos no one else in his team or on Atlantis can do that good a damn job,"

"If you like him so much you can have him on your team," said Weir attempting to reach a compromise, she was slowly loosing patients but kept her calm, why would Kavanagh want him removed from Atlantis and sent home on the Daedalus? She took a few steps on the stairs and turned around to the two who had yet to ascend the stairs, and blocked their path, "Lets just go on the facts here,"

"Fact is; we loose him then work slows down to the same rate we were at before, he has translated well over 5 areas of the database in to a electronic copy in english in a two weeks since he has been here! Yes he may have no other experience or skills, yes he has just become a college graduate, but no one else can do what he can, why would we want to loose that?" A just argument only to be interrupted by Kavanagh and his bad sportsmanship.

"Oh for god sakes he's a freaking fa-"

"Finish that sentence" said Weir stepping in with a fury in her eyes, "and I'll send **you** back on the Daedalus. Mr Mason stays, if you're that intolerant then he is moved to Dr McKay's team,"

"What!" they both said in unison,

"Now, if you'll excuse me,"

-----

Teyla had grown curious, she knew Doctor Weir was a busy and key member of the team but what could have held her up. Colonel Sheppard however attention was easily distracted by idle conversation. Ronan on the other hand was a more no-nonsense warrior; he stood out somewhat from the others, while both the Colonel and Teyla were in the navy blue offworld gear, Dex kept with his personal taste of the long pale coat and Sateda sidearm. They recently returned from a visit to planet called NCR - 461, that had the agricultural town of Larnan, which spoke of an interesting temple deep within the valley, one belonging to the ancestors.

"What do we have?" she called out continuing her way up the stairs from behind the control centre.

"We think we may a location of some Ancient ruins, hopefully they might turn up with something promising," replied Sheppard before Teyla had the chance to speak, "The locals seems pretty friendly, simple folk."

"What do you need?" cutting to the chase, she moved quickly around the command centre collecting items she left around, a PDA, her tablet, her favourite pen.

"A Jumper and a team to study the site,"

"Consider it done,"

_'Easy enough' _the Colonel thought to himself.

"Have McKay and Mason start organising the offworld research team,"

"Mason?" questioned Sheppard, Weir; stopping in her tracks on her way to her office, turned around to the ranking military officer, expecting the same conversation she had with Kavanagh, however she expected better from him. She shot him a gaze, that _'question me if you dare'_ look "His field training is limited, actually he has none, before we set out I'd want to get him up to speed with basic firearms,"

"Forget it we need to get there as soon as..." interjected Ronan

"Better to be safe than sorry," added Teyla in reply

"Just make it quick John"

-----

So the topic of much conversation and debate, that's me, who sat in one of the many Ancient labs, with my dorky reading glasses skimmed over the dense text in the Ancient language, with no hindrance of difficulty, piece of piss if you ask me. But no matter how easy it was, I couldn't focus, the worst case scenario ran though my head, 2 weeks, that's how long I've been here, what would happen if they decided to send me home now. I never got the chance to meet everyone, to settle in, go offworld, nothing.

"Hope you're happy now," came a voice from behind, I peeled off the glasses to rub my eyes, looking clearly at the figure that entered the room behind him,

"Well what did they say?" I enquired, hoping to learn my fate.

"Well you're staying,"

"That's good,"

"But you're working with me?"

"That's bad?" McKay paused for a second with the _'stupid question' _shocked look on his face,

"Yes that is bad, I don't want you on my team, this is the last favour I do for you,"

"Come on Rod..."

"...don't call me Rod..."

"...it'll be fun; you won't even know I'm here."

"That is not the point; I have enough idiots to deal with..."

"...without having to deal with one more?" the conversation paused when I butted in with the last comment.

"Yea, pretty much,"

"Hello kids," Colonel John Sheppard, walking into the room with that smug smile on his face, and I had to grab a hold of the table, laying eyes on him and my knee went weak. "Looks like we got a mission, there's some ruin, possibly an Ancient Outpost, get a team together,"

"Possibly?" questioned McKay, "Has anyone actually checked it out to see if we're wasting our time?"

"Major Lorne took a Jumper and ran some scans, there is something there worth investigating." he turned his attention to McKay's new lab assistant...me! "Mason right?"

"Call me Alex," I replied with a sheepish grin and a squeaky voice, McKay simply rolling his eyes at my so called _obvious display of flirtation_,

"Will need you at the firing range in 2 hours, basic weapons training before we head out, see you there," moments after the Colonel left,

"You're wasting your time you know,"

"A guy can dream can't he?"

"Eugh!"

-----

He was the welcoming face when he arrives, the Colonel, when the Daedalus landed on the east pier and Major Webs escorted all us new recruits as far as the Atlantis gate room. It was him and that smile, the dark stubble and tall broad frame that greeted him. I felt his heart sink when I saw Sheppard. Normally Weir conducts the introductions but she had a meeting with some dudes called the Tinnius Republic, regarding trade of raw metal in exchange for recent data and intelligence on Wraith activity collected by the expedition. Anyway, he stood there, very informally; in that black zip up top all the military personnel seem to wear, so hot. Sheppard has personally addressed us, as the crowd moved off into their own groups for the tour, John playing good host began conversations, small talk if you will with random newbie's, like me. A five minute chat was enough to make an impression on me.

So I stepped into the firing range centre, Major Lorne turned to see the guest enter the room and thus departed himself once he finished his update. "Bit early, I get worried when people are eager to shoot a gun,"

"There's still a few things I need to pack so thought I'd get this out of the way," -_whatever_- I could hear Rodney say under his breath if he were there. The earlier I was there the longer I could spend with the Colonel, on some level what Rodney said played in my mind, did I have a chance? But oh well the company is nice.

"We wont be going onto anything big, just keep it simple with the 9mm."

"No P90?"

"No,"

"AK47?"

"No,"

"RPG?"

"Hell no!"

I'm such a tease.

The lesson moved on a bit, first a quick run through on all the click and switches on the 9mm, the in's and out's, and even went through how to disarm one, l like I'm gonna know how to do that! Then the fun part, actually firing one, sweet! So I held it, heavier than they look those things, not much of a fan or guns, they tend to kill, how can they protect? But hey I'm killing evil space aliens, how can I complain? I think I watched enough cop shows to figure out how to do this, one hand on handle other underneath.

"Not quite" I heard from behind, fair enough if he wants to correct me but what really started to freak me out was how we went around doing it. His arms came around me to grasp the gun, and his chest pressed against my back, his legs every so gently knocking into mine. "You need to line up both sights on the gun; once they are in line then you have an aim." My heart started to pound, could feel the goosebumps on the skin all the way up my arm. His breath very gently on my neck, "Now line up the two sight with the target, and squeeze the trigger, don't pull it," he took a step back, thankfully giving my some space before I decided to pass out, I squeezed the trigger, a huge bang caught me off guard, it held it at arms length but it was so close to my face, I flinched and the bullet ended up in the left hand wall.

"Not bad, that's about what? 9 feet out?" I said but the Colonel wasn't amused, well slightly but not very,

"9 feet is enough to either hit a Wraith or Rodney,"

"Who cares as long as we hit one of them," He didn't reply to that, dunno whether it was because he agreed or became more of a prude cos he was hanging out with Rodney to much.

"So who's the space aliens?" I asked casually, they mentioned is briefly in the report but I skimmed that part, went straight to the bit about the Ancient, ya know the cool ass kicking good guys...who lost, meh just bad luck.

"The Wraith?" he seemed pretty shocked, as if, to say _You signed up but no one told you?_ That type, "Bad guys who started a war with the Ancients, they eat people," Eat people? Sound kinky, I would have pulled a line but if you're not gay or our ways elude you, then you wouldn't find it funny. Stupid body why did it have to react to that, glad he was standing behind me still, so he couldn't see the you know what. Damn he's doing that getting in close thing again, just the last thing I need, more stimulation, god this is so embarrassing, wish he doesn't see it, these jeans don't hide much ya know. He adjusted my weapon again for a cleaner shot, "Well they more like suck..." Not helping! "Here shoot now?"

"What!" I said not realising as knee jerk reaction I squeezed the trigger, the loud bang echoed in my ear and flash of light cause be to flinch away for a second. But he both stood silent, waiting for the smoke to clear; I looked at the location of the second bullet. "Lucky shot?" I ask starring at the hole in the centre of the target, perfect shot, and right between the eyes.

"Probably."

-----

So we were standing in the Atlantis command centre area with Colonel Sheppard's team, McKay stood around the transparent screen which showed a topographic map of the planet, and he was talking about something he stupidly assumed everyone understood.

"This is the sensor information we downloaded from Jumper 2," he said, obviously this was his shot at being Sky New's new weatherman. "There's a thunder storm, a big one, heading in the direction of the ruins and the gate,"

"How exactly would this effect our investigation of the area?" Asked Weir, some what of a stupid question if you ask me, don't get me wrong I think she's groovy, smart, hell it look me ages to write a paper about her, but hello' thunderstorm, wet rain, with electronic equipment, the toaster turns into the electric chair.

"We'll have to put the mission off for a couple of days," No shit, "We can leaving in two and a half days, take a Jumper from the gate to the ruin but will be cut off from the gate for several days when the second wave of the storm hit that area,"

"We'll be complete cut off from the gate?" the Colonel questioned, I could notice him at the corner of my eye, the strong authoritarian stance.

"So we'll have to camp out for a while," I finally said something, since being there for a whole 10 minutes, I decided to make myself known rather than leaning on the console at the back.

"Kids got a point" who the hell is Ronan calling a kid? I'm 21 for god sakes.

Weir chaired this informal meeting, listening to all the contributions to the discussion, till she finally came to a conclusion. "Missions postponed till further notice,"

-----

Step, step, block, step, block, spin, THWACK! "Ow!"

"Concentrate," ordered Teyla pulling back, she turned away loosening her joints with a show of skill as the her sticks spun around like a blade on a blender. They should really advise wearing some padding or something I dunno but she was doing everything other than going easy on me.

"I am,"

"If you were concentrating you would not have block before you spun," oh crap, step, spin, block, why couldn't I get this, "You wished to learn, I expect some effort on you're behalf,"

"I'm trying," that's what she was worried about, I was as eager as another one else but I just couldn't get it. She heard the report made by John, can't believe what he said about me, it was the first time I ever handled a gun and hate the damn things. Sticks are better, wont kill a Wraith but will probably send them running after a beat then into a pulp, if not then I'm the main course.

"It will require you full attention, your focus, you can not be distracted," the Athosian said, began to wonder where she was going with this. Oh god she knows, McKay couldn't bloody keep his mouth shut, I bet he told everyone, running his mouth off to lord knows who came across in his lab. That sad sad little man! She just grinned at me. "Fear not, it is a secret that will stay safe with me,"

"Who told you?" I was furious, but you probably couldn't tell since I hadn't yet already stormed to McKay's lab, I supress things alot, I could feel my blood boil through the veins in my tired arms.

"No one," she said with that innocent puzzled look on her face, seemed genuine, "I can see the way you look at him, admire him almost." She spun her sticks one final time and took a stance ready to fight. "You are angry?"

"I told McKay, we talk often when working,"

"Didn't see you as Doctor McKay's choice of friends,"

"Someone need to challenge everything he says,"

"As always. And you question the trust you placed in him when you revealed your feeling towards the Colonel?" I didn't answer; I stuttered the words I tried to string into a sentence, bloody habit! "Try focusing that anger, try not too think to hard about what needs to be done but simple do it. Use instinct, not thought. Focus. Begin" So I did, literally just went for her, she being better at this than I am had one hand behind her back and didn't even move from the spot she stood over. I did this combo I picked up lemme see if I can put it into words. Right stick, right stick back hand, left stick, spin 360 right stick back hand. Took me ages to practise that, took her by surprise but she still block them all. Damn her and her extra-terrestrial superhuman kung fu. I held the attack for nearly 2 minutes constant, hit and block, one after the other, would have stayed in the same spot if I didn't need to raise my knee and block her kicks. The whole time I looked at her eyes, until I spun a step back, arms spread, left stick forward, right stick back, bending my knees and lowering my stance. My chest was heaving for breath, beads to sweat climbing down from forehead, and she smug and skilled stood as if she simply stood there and did nothing, no sign of fatigue. "Excellent, you by far have made the quickest improvement out of all my students."

Just as I was about to thank her the door behind me opened and in trailed a line of young Athosians, with their own sticks and training gear, "I would like you stay for the class," _Oh what? I've been beaten and battered for an hour; I'm tired do I really have to? _All that ran through my mind, but she had the sweet smile on her, the one where you can't say no to. Damn. Can hear my sister's voice in my head right now, _'Weak!'_ So I just gave a half assed one sided smile, and got into line, with the rest of them. "This is Rian," she said pointing to one of the Athosian, he came over, wearing those beige and brown tank tops, he stood about the same height as me but his shoulders were broader supporting an athletic build. His hair swept behind his head, longer then mine as it came down to his neck, lighter was well, a mousey brown where as mine was bark brown.

"Hello," he said softly, he reached out his hand to greet me and as I shook it I was surprised how gentle he could be even with such a strong physical build... TEYLA! That damn match maker! She did this on purpose! Although after spend a few minutes talking to him I can't say I can actually complain, intelligent, well-spoken, and a great laugh. He noticed my accent wasn't the same everyone else's and he was interested in England and how our planet has such diversity.

"You will go easy on him will you not?" Teyla whispered in my ear from behind as I stood opposite Rian. Everyone had broken off into there sparring pairs, "He may have strength but like a strong tree his roots run deep into the ground and is hard to move, you however are lighter on your feet and faster."

-----

"What happened?" the sound of Elizabeth's voice came echoing down the corridor outside the Infirmary. She stormed in with that posture of authority that she has, with her hand on her hips almost demanding an explaination as to why her Ancient expert was being treated for concussion and a sprained wrist, which bloody hurt like hell!

"I had a little accident,"

"Little?" she question, almost finding my pain amusing, how sadistic of her,

"He had been training for some hours now, it was my fault I should have ended his participation sooner,"

"Why do I have a feeling you had something to do with this?" she said turning to Rian who was kind enough to bring me to the Infirmary as Teyla ended the class. He couldn't muster the words to deny guilt which was kinda useless since, well it was his fault. "No more sticks for you,"

"No fair," I protested

"He'll need to take the rest of the day off, but should be fine in the morning," Carson added as came back with Biometric Scan from his new Ancient toy.

-----

He was sweet, walked me through the halls of the city, just to make sure I got home safely, obviously I took the unnecessary long route to spend as much time which him as possible, but how was he to know. "So basically..." I said just finishing off our conversation, "...that's how you make a pizza." He really seemed fascinated, that or either he too wished to spend as long as possible with me. "So...this is me," I said pausing in front of the door to my room.

"Interesting," he said taking a good look at the two metallic panels and its surrounding, "we must have passed this room twice before you mentioned it was yours."

"I got a little lost?" he was so not buying the innocent newbie act, caught in the act, guilty as charged. He had the cutest one sided smirk on his face, and that twinkle in his eye, oh god he had gorgeous eyes, could spend all night looking that them.

"If you wish to spend more time with me," he said taking a step closer to me, "you only needed to ask," his hands gently brushed down my arms, I could feel my heart pounding in my heaving chests ready to smash out from its ribbed surrounding. Fuck he was so close I could feel his heart pounding against my chest. "Do you; wish to spend more time with me?" I was melting, the icy cold distant emo kid was melting in this guys strong arms, he moved in so close the air he used to speak those words flowed against my own lips.

"Alex I was hoping to catch you," her voice came around the corner, she much have only just caught me walking to my room, "I was hop-ing..." her sentence stopped when she figured I had company and was about to pull it, him that is. "...this is a bad time,"

"Yes!" I hissed through my teeth

"I should take my leave," perfect answer, wait, she didn't say that, I turned to Rian who already stepped away,

"No its ok I'll go,"

"Yes!" I answered to her behind me

"Worry not, I will," he paused to think about that, "see you soon," gah! Loosely translated meaning if and when I can be bothered to see you again. He started walking away, I struggled to come out with the words to ask him to stay but they wouldn't come out. Doctor Elizabeth Weir, clever girl some days, but her timing sucks!

"You..." I scorned to her

"Sorry, plus side, you now have a date for the party," I just gave her my_ 'not impressed'_ expression, "Anyway there was a word I had trouble translating," she said, a subtle reminder that the work of the expedition was far more important than the teenage rambling of an early twenty neurotic engineer. She flipped her tablet to show the 5 letter word,

"Disturb,"

"Alex,"

"No I'm serious,"

"This whole sentence was taken from a photo Major Lorne took of the ruins, it's a warning not to disturb the temple," she was almost as confused about it as I was.

-----

Wish someone would find the freaking light switch; some of the areas in the city have near to zero lighting cos the power demands, so people are happy to dump crap in any corridor they come across. I thought my room was bad but this is something else, at least my room has a pile of my dirty washing and although everything does cover the floor at least you know where it all was. Enough about my room, I had stashed a little something away here, I went over to the mainland and asked a blacksmith for a personal request, in return for some cider that was brought over by the Daedalus, dunno what it is with Athosians but they like their drink.

"What ya doing here?" JEES LOUISE!

"Scared me half to death!"

"I'll try harder next time," said Laura, she stood behind me going her PDA, "Back to my original question," she said giving me a suspicious look, "What are doing here?"

"None of your business,"

"Alex," that was me.

"Leave me alone," women couldn't take a hint to drop the subject,

"Don't think you can get rid of me that easily."

"Just picking something up for the party, you still coming?" changing subject always works with her its great and too easy

"Depends,"

"On?"

"If Carson apologies,"

"What happened?"

"He tried to kill me,"

"He use nuts in his cooking again?"

"Again being the operative word," Scottish Loon!

"Plus side, he is a doctor, what would honestly go wrong,"

"Ever seen my face bloat up like a red balloon, I could scare children,"

"Maybe we should send you to M7G-677 next time," being that planet with all the kids.

"If I do I know who to blame,"

"Rodney?" the thing that probably worried her is that he would, she so knew he could, bingo found it, I pull out the small gift wrapped box with its shiny silver bow, "Right I'll see you tonight,"

"Is you're new friends coming?" Gossip travels faster than the speed of hyperdrive on this city; I froze in step and slowly turned around,

"Am I the centre of conversation is this place?"

"The only gay in the village," someone's been practising their welsh accent.

"Haven't spoken to him since,"

"Lizzy scared him off?"

"Just bad timing,"

"Women's like your bloody mother,"

"Shuddup!"

-----

"The Outer Limits box set," said Teyla with the fakest smile imaginable but you have give the poor girl a break, what the hell was Raddek thinking, "Thank you Dr Zelenka," She places the present down amongst the foliage of wrapping paper that sat in the centre of glittery decorations, streamer party poppers and a huge birthday cake with the pinkest icing you have ever seen. Ronan was in the corner trying to down as many pints as possible, get them in while he can, not everyday Weir authorised the opening of the kegs. She came to his present, a small flat box, that rattled ever so slightly as she lifted it, "Who is this from," she said looking at Ronan after reading the tag. Untying the ribbon she gentle raised the box, "Oh my!" she said with an expression of amazement at its content, carefully she raised the sapphire blue gem that hung from the centre of the necklace.

"Found the gemstone of P4N-115, thought I could put a few things together,"

"You made it?" She asked surprised, "...with Wraith teeth, how nice." as nasty as it was using some guys fangs, she wore it nevertheless, he put alot of effort into that...thing. "Alex?" That's me, getting my attention as she read out the tag, the slim long box sat heavily on the table, ripping away at the layers of wrapping paper, yea I'm that shit, she finally got the box and the small flap at the top, hope she likes it, she better, took a barrel load of cider to pay for it. Reaching into the box she lift the handle and pulled out the foot long bladed weapon, and the second identical. Light brown leather handles with golden embroidery, a long slim almost leaf-shaped silver blade with writing of the Ancient engraved into it, 'Guardian of Athos'.

"Magnificent" she breathed as she brushed one side of the edge with her fingers,

"A pre-requisite for every warrior princess," punned McKay.

"How did you?" queried Weir concerned of where I could something like that,

"I have my contacts,"

"Moren," answered Teyla without the need for a second guess, "I am familiar with this craftsmanship,"

"Question two," interjected Sheppard, "How did you get it past security?" Errmm.

The party continued once every present was opened, Laura and Carson was abusing the privilege that was the make shift dance floor, completely embarrassing themselves, thankfully Katy managed to drag Rodney up for a couple of songs, Ronan being the socialite of the year as always took a step back to all the going ons, again, with a pint, think he is developing a problem. Teyla retreated to his company after dealing with the grief of being the centre of attention, everyone even Heightmeyer coming forward hugging smiling, saying 'Happy Birthday' she didn't know what that meant 2 years ago. Liz and John sat down on the sofa we brought in from Carson's room, she most likely was talking about work related thing, he was making sure her wine glass was never empty praying that this next bottle would loosen her up and she would start enjoying herself...and stop talking about work! Great, I'm the nineteenth wheel to this party, everyone else is happy, smiling, coupled...I need to get out here!

-----

The hall ways of the city were darkened almost impossible to find my room, the power of the ZPM was resting after its excessive use during the terrorist attack of the Goa'uld Caldwell, and he was fine after they beamed the snake out of his neck. Even with a mini universe in the bottle acting as the cities plug sockets everyone was still in an energy conservation tree hugging eco friendly mindset. Have no problem with that but a little light in this pitch black hallway would be nice, can't see a bloody a thing! I came to a window, stepping carefully towards the source of light, Atlantis laid quiet in the dark, resting under the high moon as she slept among the stars, check me out being poetic. But it was a nice too look at, there's a balcony near my room, makes a good hiding place in the middle of the night, not many people venture to unknown areas but if it means getting away from the mass of people then I'm all for it. Where was I? This balcony faces right down the north west pier, that pentagonal one with the drone weapon bay right at the end, during the night the low lit yellow structures and the dark ocean under a full sky of stars was a beauty. Can loose yourself in the peaceful horizon, unless of course a squadron of darts descend upon you then that'll really ruin the moment. Speaking of ruining the moment what was that sound? I had to carry on moving, lingered around here too long, pacing down the 'streets' using the moonlit furniture as runway lights I made it back as quick as I could but every sound of my footstep was accompanied with someone else's, not the stealthiest of people I might add, every corner I turned it turned too, every corridor I walked it walked. This was getting freaky, where the bloody hell are the S.O.'s; they're meant to be two patrolling every area, gah! You're probably reading this wondering, what a chicken, and I don't blame you I would too, but its like the horror movies, you don't think its scary, but once your in that situation for real, you'd be petrified. The second set of footsteps drew closer, god sakes man pull yourself together, it's ok, and you're at your room.

"Hello," I jumped out of skin as that voice and the hand on my shoulder came from behind, after settling down to see it was Rian, I began to breathing again. "I did not mean to startle you,"

"Well...you did," glad someone was finding this amusing,

"You weren't at the celebrations," He went?

"Had my fair share of the fun," I lie

"I see, I came to see you," Direct, I like, "I didn't finish was I wished the say last time," say...or do? His arm came around my body, hands slowly brushing down my arm, while the other wrapped around my waist, as his lips brutally lock me in place after gently drawing it closer. I felt my back against the wall as his powerful body leaned over mine, my hands wrapped around his shoulders holding his head in closer. I freed one with enough waving over the door controls to open my room and within moments of the doors sliding open I found myself pinned to the bed, fingers exploring the skin beneath my black tee. Mine explored the broadness of his back slowly sliding his top up and over his head and admiring his beautiful body lit under moonlight. I bit my lip as Rian worked his way down the length of my neck, my back arching off the bed pushing our naked bodies closer together. His hip pushed harder against mine, my hands traces down his valley's of his stomach until they found their way down to his groin. and with great ease I pull his trousers down freeing his cock from the restraining fabric, and it was amazing, you thought foreign guys where good, try inter-galactic studs! For that brief second of astonishment I looked into my eyes, those wide hazel eyes hidden behind the strands of brown hair covered his brow locked onto mine as if to remind me that they'll never let go.

"You're gonna need this," I reached out to the bedside drawer for a condom, poor guy looked at me all confused and bewildered, he rested on his knees above me, leaning forward I grasped his cock, a smooth velvet skin over the steel hardness. Caressing it for his pleasure, his head rolled back basking in the sensation and slowly I slide the rubber sheath on. Without hesitation he descend passionately kissing me, my legs raising over his shoulders, hand gliding across his chest, lips on my neck, pushing my leg back further, penetrating my hole, digging in deeper. The well endowed Athosian pushed against the rim burrowing for more room to thrust it in further, there was pain, but with the slow gentle stroke, the building rhythm, the pleasure that I oh so missed returned. It was gorgeous. I couldn't hear the bed squeaking under the sound of my breathlessness, Rian pushing in deeper and withdrawing only after I just became use to sensation of the intrusion.

"You are beautiful," whoa! Don't get me wrong I like the compliment, but the smooth voice, the stare, they way his skin shone with this sexy ambience of moonlight, I think I'm falling for him with every passing second. He looked down at me, his body now dripping with sweat, and I pushed some damp hair out of his eyes. I gasped for air as his head dropped into my neck, his teeth softly nipping against the skin as he slowly motioned his cock in and out of me. And for both of us the sensation built, my own cock reaping the fruits of Rian labour, the tingling which was felt numbed my body's senses completely, nothing but the electric pleasure he gave me. My blood ran hot through every inch of my body as I experience the massive manhood being rammed into me, moaning out his name with every push. One after the other they became stronger, aggressive, the leashed animal within was breaking free of his cage, its claws gripping my hands, his teeth sinking into my nipples, its tongue licking the flesh on my neck and its lips tasting the flavour of mine. And I felt the moment, where his pleasure built to its peak all his strength and energy, his cock hardened further as had mine from the collective feeling, both of us ready, as one. His moaning echoed around the room his back straight and head tilted back, reaching the brink, desperate to release, and roaring in this throat like an animal he shot his load into me as my hands helped me with my own. Bathed in both bodily fluids he lowered himself down towards me for a final kiss, violent, powerful, and strong. "Never leave me," he asked and I couldn't think I heard those words and I replied only on instinct and not thought.

"Never"

-----

Walking out of my room that morning, I squinted at the bright dawn which shone through the corridor, bloody bright! It's too early to work, especially after last night, the hours and hours and hours and...

"Mason," I heard a voice calling,

"Colonel,"

"Call me John, McKay says we should be ready to head out, wanna give you one more go in the firing range before we leave..."

"I left the towel..." Rian walked out of my room his hair as wet as mine from our shower, emphasise on 'our', they say testosterone is highest in the morning. John froze, as if he was hit by a sudden epiphany, or found out the secret everyone knew about other than him, poor guy didn't have a clue. But the truth kinda smacked right across that pretty little face of his, bloody hell where's a camera when you need one. I had a hugest grin on my face.

"...is this a bad time?" asked the Colonel,

"I was just leaving, good day Colonel, and I'll see you soon," with a little kiss on the cheek he left down the corridor to my side. Couldn't help but watch him walk, it's a like a daydream of perfection, the way he look the way he walked, the turned around and smile before disappearing around the corner.

"Sorry...erm you were saying?"

"Firing range,"

"Right!"

"Ten hundred hours,"

"Of course, what?"

"10am,"

"Got it,"

"Get some coffee,"

"Walking,"


	2. Breathe Me

I was just loading my bag into the jumper; the one bag was all I was taking. I used to go camping before with my neighbour so knew how to pack light and only the essentials. In the meantime the dumbfounded Colonel decided to pop over the bridge to Lizzie's office.

"Hey," he said knocking on the glass wall.

"Hey," She replied lifted her head from the Laptop, "heard the second lesson in firearm's didn't go so well," she had to bring that up, so apparently I did some damage,

"Yea Espenson will be fine,"

"How did he shoot the security officer in the foot!" Ya'know I'm wondering that myself, I did as I was taught, point forward towards the paper target, aim and shoot, dunno how the bullet ended up in the S.O's foot.

"Beats me cos he was standing behind him, but I think I found something else for him,"

"Sticks?" Why not I've been practising, have become quite skilled with beating people over the head with a piece of wood...there's a gay joke in there somewhere I know it!

"He'll do more damage with those! No," he then went on to explain a little something the Daedalus dropped off on its last visit, this cool little metallic blue snake like gun, some dudes called the Jaffa (as in the cakes, don't ask me why) use them, one buttons extends and arms the devise, the second is used to fire a blot of blue lightning. One shot stun, two shots kill, and three shots kaboom!

"So as long as he only shoots once, everyone's fine," Elizabeth enquires

"In theory,"

"Feather on dinosaur or relativity?" Awkward silence, "so, you ready to head out?"

"Yea, they're just loading the last few things, you know how McKay likes to be ready for every little thing," Elizabeth just smiled, one of those_ I know what you're on about and I agree but I wont say_. "There was one more thing, about Alex," what did I do now...oh wait this was about earlier, "I went over by his place,"

"And?"

"He had some company..." he paused trying to find the right words to use,

"Rian!" Well so much for keeping that secret.

"You knew?"

"Everyone knew," not like I was obviously flamboyantly...ah I was drunk the first time we all got together, who am I kiddin', that night was a dead giveaway!

"Well my memo must have got lost in the post,"

"You're ok with this right?" she asked, seeing how he seem uncomfortable in his own skin,

"How come I was the last to know?"

"Not like everyone in the cities knows," liar. "He mentioned something to Laura Cadmen, Cadmen brought it up in the women's poker night, Teyla told Ronan, Katie Brown told Rodney, Laura mentioned it to Carson, Heightmeyer was there and I sent out a few memos, it just happens."

---

The trip through the Stargate was pretty much like walking through a door, although you're walking into an event horizon of an artificial quantum singularity which looks like the deep end of the toilet, well one minute you're in Atlantis, next minute you're flying through the sky on some far off planet. Cruising across the horizon we passed the cliff edge and bridge that isolated the gate and headed straight for the mountain range in distance, reminds me of the countryside near my parents house, fields with grass knee high, mangled branch of decrepid tree reaching in every direction.

Landing the Jumper I took the first step out, a strong breeze pushed through the trees with a faint chill and evening sky a dark blue with a yellow hue as the sun set over the hills. This was something sinister about this place, I dunno what it is but something's off.

"Many planets look the same," Teyla said easing the dumb-founded look of awe on my face, my second alien planet, go me.

"We should make a move to the temple," suggested McKay pulling his tablet from the velcro strap on his back. The Temple could be seen from the landing site, a dark slate stone giant hut resting on the slope of the mountain side, dead and empty of all life. A long narrow stream of worn out steps lead up to the main door, Sheppard and Ronan took point, McKay not that far behind and Teyla sticking with me. The life sign detector showed...well no signs of life, it at been abandoned for sometime, the villagers daring not to venture towards the ominous building. Freaked out I hear you ask? Oh yea!

Pushing the door open the interior looked like main building of my sixth form college, a grand entrance with a wide stair case either side of the wall, joined by U-shaped railings, moonlight entered through the square void in the walls that were the windows. Tunnels ran deep into the mountain side, the wall etched with Ancient text, metal wreckage and salvaged computer components were put together to supply whatever basic necessity they could to it previous occupants.

"McKay?" asked Sheppard, his P90 aimed down the dark lengthy corridors.

"There minimal power to these systems...some of environmental settings...others are data storage,"

"We may need a Naq-Gen plugged in if we're gonna use them," I suggested giving my limited input but couldn't help but feel that they're staring at me oddly...ahh the 'Naq-Gen' nickname... "Naquadah Generator" penny drops.

"We packed one right?" Ronan asked,

"Of course we packed one!" ya know Rodney's starting to get annoying, guy needs to chill or I'll stick a freaking valium drip up his ass! "I'll go and get it," the Generator not the valium.

---

"Elizabeth sending Lorne in Jumper 6 to drop off some supplies and S.O.'s before the storm hits the gate," we were going to be cut off for the next day or so, since flying conditions were shitter then a shit thing in shit-land, "Found anything?"

My fingers ran over the engraved text, the dust and grains of mineral brushing off, "They're letters,"

"Letters?"

"This one is from Myrol, its to her parents, her friends, saying goodbye," I moved down the wall to the next paragraph, each with their own author, "This ones from Thal, he says he is going to miss seeing his sons grow up, and the light of the Atlantis late at night,"

"What happened to all of these people?"

"I don't know,"

---

_I miss you so much, I wish I could come home, see you all but this is how it has to be, none of us asked for this but we must make the best of a worst situation._

_We came as a fast as we could but they were already attacking them, swarms by the hundreds, we fought as long as hard as we could, trying to keep them safe but we failed._

_We spent weeks looking for the gate, we had no idea where to find it, this planet is so big, and the horizon stretch as far as the eye can see with no means to leave. Its still here, its stalks the shadows. Mother I wish I was home, I want to go home._

_Ascension is our only salvation, we know this now, killing it harming it is not the path to enlightenment, but we can keep it away from the others, keep it safe from hurting us._

_I miss you, come for me, I'm all alone, the others left me here, left me alone with it._

---

"I thought you'd be glad to see me," he asked, Rian's been quiet since he surprised me, he came over on Jumper 6 with Lorne, the Major took a trip to the mainland first to pick up some food to drop off.

"I am really, I just didn't imagine you'd be here," he made me some Tuttleroot soup, well actually his mum made it, he just brought it over. The evening became colder but we had to eat outside, away from all the gossip and the staring eyes, I brought a blanket with me, (my mum's contribution to dinner) wrapped it around us both as we watched the night go pass over the forest that stood between us and the gate. "Good soup," had to say something to break the silence. God why did I freak out when I saw him, he probably hates me, hate maybe the wrong word it's a bit strong, nah you know what he really hates me, royally.

"Why are you ashamed to be around me?"

"Don't go all Doctor Phil on me,"

"Which one is Doctor Phil?" bad example, well this isn't going so well. Maybe we took things too fast, I mean a relationship from nothing in three days, either seeing lines between dots which don't exist or maybe we're just that good together. First date first kiss first fuck and fight, all in three days, must be a record, god I'm must sound desperate. But I dunno its like, the second I was with him, I was comfortable, normally people see this mask, the Alex that I want people to see but Rian know me through and through, I could be my insane self around him without being worried that I might scare him off. It's not like that though, he likes me and we clicked. Other than now.

"I am ashamed of myself,"

"Why?"

"Me, I mean us, it's not something everyone is used to, they don't expect it, some people condemn it, and..."

"They all know"

"I know,"

"Who are you hiding it from, them or yourself," he Doctor Phil'd me! "Stop hiding," I knew there was a reason I loved him, we shuffled in closer both grinning cheek to cheek, resting my head on his shoulder as the Puddle Jumper flew off...wait a fucking minute!

---

"I thought the Jumper wasn't meant to be leaving for another hour?" I called to Sheppard as we made our way back into the temple, Rian not so far behind confused as to why his ride home left early.

"Blame McKay and his big mouth," I turned to look at the scientist who'd rather be working on the Ancient control console than listen to that fact his inability to socialise forced an insulted pilot to leave early. The Colonel tilted his head slightly to see the Athosian standing behind me, "What are you still doing here?" And the penny drops! "Sheppard to Lorne, come in,"

"Jumper 6 here sir,"

"Major how many Athosian were you transporting?"

"3"

"And how many do you have in the Jumper?"

"Erm 1, 2...ah sh..."

"You can't turn around now the storm will hit the gate before you make it back,"

"Look like you're staying," Couldn't help but smile as I turned to tell him.

---

It was a little cramped in the sleeping bag, but kinda cozy, had his body keeping me warm all night; close up and snug. We couldn't get up to anything, no matter how much we both wanted to with everyone else sleeping in the main chamber with us. The night was dead silent, and although I was half asleep the whole time I partially noticed the animals at night howling under the rustling wind over the forest. From the windows high on the wall, the sky was a perfect dark blue velvet, each and every star bright and clear among the thinning storm clouds. The morning was pretty generic, after getting up and having some breakfast we moved on to explore the lower levels of the temple. Earlier yesterday we found this bridge, joining two sections divided by a 60 foot drop, shat myself with every step, all I could do was look down even though they told me not too, I'm one of those people who you tell me not to do something, I have to go ahead and go it. So we made our way across, Sheppard was taking point (as they called it) Teyla and Ronan took Rodney down one of the corridors which lead to the far east areas of tunnels and rooms, I went long with the Colonel, no one seem worried about walking down the long dark tunnels with fuck knows what hiding in the corner. I swear I could hear something in pitch black darkness I followed closely behind Sheppard, pointing my torch in what ever direction made a freaky sound. I had that zat-gun thing on me, so decided now was a good a time as any to get that out,

"What the hell are you doing!" asked the Colonel jumping out of his skin as I armed the weapon with that electric frizzle sounds it makes,

"What does it look like?"

"Put it away before you hurt someone,"

"Like who?"

"Me!" Down the far end of the corridor in the chamber which was built as deep and as far away as possible came a low lit orange light, and deep sinister hum. We slowly entered the room, checking every dark corner before we moved in, it was a tomb, stone slabs formed to make a coffin shape box, wire and cables run out to the half powered control panel on the right wall. "Why do they need to power a coffin?"

"It's not a coffin it's a 'dormata'...the stasis alcove, there was on in Antarctica,"

"We found one in Atlantis too, looks like they didn't want this one walking up." I worked on the control panel, accessing information from the database and logs, there was too much information to go through but I transferred what I could to my handheld.

"There was a significant power drop,"

"This things been running for thousands of years,"

"No I mean in the past five minutes, power dropped from fourteen to seven percent." I tapped my headset at the ear, "Rodney, what are you guys up to?"

"We found a Z.P.M., gimme a second I should be able to yank it out,"

"Don't!" the power in the whole complex ceased, he had pulled out the battery and whatever energy went into keeping the prisoner asleep was gone, and the low hum of electricity was replaced with a great roar from the tomb only feet's away from me. "Colonel..." I only managed to muster the words when my fear took over,

"Plug it back in!"

"...can we run?"

"McKay!" A loud thump and whatever was inside attempted to punch their way through the solid stone shaking the foundations of the room, "we can run."

---

We pegged it down the narrow tunnels as fast as we could, what the hell did we wake up, the echoes of fists against solid stone caught up with us.

"I put it back in," we heard McKay further up ahead, with Teyla and Ronan ready to blow a hole in someone,

"There's not enough power to reinitialise the alcove," I yelled back,

"You just didn't do it right," he said heading back in the direction of the tomb,

"Are you insane," asked Sheppard

"Its solid rock! I'll be in there, reactive the pod cos Mr. Homo McStupid..." bite me! "...couldn't do it himself, and set it back to sleep before it breaks free" a sudden crash and sound of crumbling rock instantly shut him up and sudden look of fear on his face was shared with everyone present, "maybe its best if go,"

---

Rian and two other S.O.'s came back from surveying the surrounds to find us grabbing our things and running for the front door, "We have to go now" I said quietly trying not to alarm him but his concerned eyes looked into mine and saw the fear.

"What's wrong," he asked, my hand rested on the side of his arms, I just didn't know what to tell cos frankly I didn't know myself, my instincts were telling me to get some distance between me and..

"Wraith," she had to say that word,

"Are you sure,"

"Very much so," Teyla answered, she stood still in the room as her heart sank and her skin felt like she had laid down in snow, "It's...very old and in pain, its mind is so confused and angry, pure unadulterated fury."

"One Wraith we can take it," Ronan said inviting the Colonel to take on the challenge with him,

"Get everyone packed and onboard the Jumper first, McKay if need it be fly it out of here,"

"We still can't use the gate the storm won't be over until another few hours,"

"It's a big planet I'm sure you'll find somewhere to hide."

"What's that supposed to mean,"

"Just keep moving" taking everything we could carry we jumped from step to step down the steep hill, the Jumper was parked by the tree line close up, hidden underneath the shadowy braches, Sheppard had the remote to it, idiot forgot to cloak it, how hard is it to remember to lock up your ride when you park it!

"He's here," Teyla froze in her steps, her eyes wide in fear as she scanned the countryside, "how did it escape so fast?"

"We haven't fully mapped the tunnels," mentioned Ronan, "and we have no idea where they all go," he was instantly cut off with the sound of an explosion, the Puddle Jumper went up in flames with shards of metal and bolts of fire spraying outwards, the sounds covering that sadistic laugh which echoed from the tree lines.

---

We ran it back inside and locked the huge double doors behind us, Sheppard and Ronan aiming their guns at it waiting for the Wraith to punch its way through, the S.O.'s taking the other doorways inside the temple. "It just blew up the Jumper!"

"Thank you Rodney for stating the obvious!" I had to say it, "Couldn't have done it without you!"

"You know you really not helping!"

"Neither are you!"

"Shut the hell up!" yelled John to the both of us, wasn't my fault he started it, prick! Silence, we couldn't here a thing other than our panicking breaths, Rian stood behind me, my hand reach around to hold his, 5 minutes felt like 50 but we couldn't hear anything other my heart pounding in my chest and the heavy breathing. Where did it go?

"It's gone," whispered Teyla, why would it, it has us like trapped animal ready to be picked off, what was it doing,

"Why would it run?" I asked,

"It's not running, it's hunting," thanks Ronan that makes me feel so much BETTER! "Its sport, he's gonna take us out like a game, toy with us," It's already doing that, "We can't stay here,"

"Where are we to go," Teyla lowered her gun and walked towards the door step by step listening out for the Wraith, "the Stargate is several miles away and we will not outrun it,"

"It knows where we are, if we keep moving..."

"...keep running?" Teyla was right, Ronan was a Runner, a proverbial fox for the fox hunters, and he survived for a couple of years he has to know his stuff,

"Pack rounds, weapons, food and water, leave the rest, we travel light and we travel fast," Sheppard made it clear which we were opting for, "We can make it to the gate by the morning that way, lets go,"

---

We've been running for half an hour now, and still no sign of the Wraith, I dunno what its waiting for, it's had so much time to attack and eat us, ok so we were pegging it across the forest and countryside, it had to rugby tackle us to get us on the ground, probably wouldn't even hear it coming till it was too late.

"I can't...run...anymore," I heard Rodney stop behind me, gave me good enough reason to stop myself, we just kept going without a break, without a chance to catch our breath, I fell to the floor, head fell back on the tree as I sucked in the air.

"We should rest, it is not near," reassured Teyla keeping the gun close to her chest, "I would have felt it,"

"Ten minutes then we're off again," Sheppard said giving the order, and every 30 minute was the same, run, stop for ten, break to eat, take in as much water, replace as much air, and heal sore legs. What was the point, ten minutes running for as long as we have doesn't do much good, well I suppose is stops us from dropping dead but still. This time something caught our attention, twig snapping as innocent as it can turn your skin pale, Teyla wasn't sensing anything and Ronan couldn't hear anything which sounded Wraith-like, Sheppard sent a S.O. to check it out and scare off whatever local wildlife decided to come and check us out.

"Are you alright?" Rian looked like he was ready to pass out, "you don't look so good,"

"Thank you," ahh he has grasped the complex concept that is sarcasm, well done young grasshopper, "My body was not made for torture,"

"Torture is putting up with your wondering hands when I'm trying to sleep,"

"Last I recall you didn't disapprove,"

"Damn straight," I love it, we're all gonna die by having our flesh liquidated and sucked from under our skin and we still fit in the time for humourous banter.

"Lets go," oh come on Colonel that was hardly ten minutes, "Where's Childes?" the sergent he sent to check on the that sound, he wasn't back yet, "Childes?" Sheppard said into his headpiece, "Sergent respond," nothing but static on the other end of the radio, "Teyla?" She couldn't speak, just that lethal combination of violence and fear on her face.

"It's been blocking me, I do not how longs it been here," a chilling scream echoed through the leaves, the sound of a mans final breath as a monster in the woods eats him alive. Shadowy ghost rustled in the distance, specters of white mist surrounding me, god I was so scared, it's like this Wraith jump into every direction in a second, first in front of me, then its standing to my right, then I can almost feel it breathing down my neck from behind. Sounds of pain and machine gun fire, cries of agony and echoes of screams in the wind, endless ghosts and a creature in the deep, I just ran, I couldn't stay there and I just ran, I felt myself come over with so much fear as if the Wraith just flicked a switch in my mind and brought on a panic attack, my heart tightened in my chest, a hand squeezing all the blood out of it. I could hardly see anything, just the sounds, Rian calling out for my name, how could I leave him behind why did I leave him behind, Rodney telling me_ 'not to believe it, it's not really there,' _what is he talking about, what's going on, what's this Wraith doing to me, it knows how to push all my buttons, gotten inside my head and messing me, oh god I'm scared, alone, what am I doing, where am I going, I don't even know why I started running anymore. Surrounded by dead grey trees and wilting dry leaves, the few rays of light from the moon shining on the fallen barks and muddy ground but beyong the few feet before me was pitch black darkness. I stopped in the distance, alone, silent, but something was different this time I'm not imagining it, it wasn't an illusion played on my mind, or metaphor of discomfort.

Something was breathing down my neck.


	3. Song to say Goodbye

I didn't know what to do, I couldn't turn around a face the monster, otherwise in my eyes it would really exist, it would really be standing there behind me, blissful ignorance if I don't. Maybe it wasn't there, maybe a figment of my frightened imagination that placed a flesh eating alien behind me where in fact it's running around the dark woods ahead of me. I couldn't close my eyes, although it wouldn't make any difference keeping them open in the darkness. But my fears were confirmed, growling under its breath from behind. My hands gripped the Zat's strapped to my legs, each finger digging into the handles cold metal, swallowing hard I stepped forward and with a sharp spin drew the snake shaped gun and faced it, took alot of guts that, more than I thought I had.

I'm gonna be sick.  
The Wraith, after years of starvation kept alive by a tomb which slows your aging was now nothing more than a walking corpse, starring at it I only just noticed the smell of dead flesh hanging from the scrawny limbs, the pointed edges that made up its facial features, and the grey/white dreadlocks, torn and damaged. Pale complexion littered with the flakes of the dead skin washed in its own tar like blood. It's rotten breath being pushed out of his lungs in a wisp of white air, those light yellow eyes starring up at me as it head hung in weakness, the strong jaw lined with jagged brown teeth. This thing still had the strength to throw me as far as it could trust me, rip a tree to splinters and keeps it title as the galaxies most fear species.

And I could hear it, I could almost hear its voice in my head, the pain and agony of starvation, the bitterness and hate it felt towards everyone, the Ancients who condemned him, the human meal who ran from him and his fellow Wraith who abandoned him, the rage I could feel as if it were my own and I wanted to give in to its will, wanted to drop to my knees but knowing if I did I would die was enough for me stop, was enough for me to just defy.

What was I waiting for, I honestly don't know, I wanted to shoot, electrocute the freak and run but I just couldn't stop staring at the horrible deformed zombie in bronze rusted armor that stood in front of me, looking at me, stepping closer towards me. Too close. I pulled the trigger, the bolt of blue electricity lighting up the trees around me, and the crackling sound echoing across the forest but I missed, the Wraith dodged the bullet, smacked the Zat gun out of my hand and grabbed me by the neck, it's icy hands gripping tightly choking the life out of me as it lifted me off the ground, with amazing strength it bent its scrawny arms and brought me closer to his face, those cold eye piercing right into me. And it snarled, that hate resurfacing again against its defiant meal, being me, running and not rolling over, playing dead like it wanted me to.

Although it like felt the ground below me disappear, my feet dangling looking for grass, the only thing that held me up was this Wraith, and that was gone as my body crashed to the floor, Rian and his amazing hunting skills found me, and tackled (I taught him about rugby) the Wraith to the ground when he saw me hanging there. Scrambling to get back on my feet as I caught my breath I heard the sound of Rians body being kicked into the near by tree, feeling the cold metal under my little finger I grabbed the Zat and gave that bastard what he had coming. The electric fizz swam over his limbs and lit the darkness in blue, and did nothing but give the creature strength as I saw the wounds heal and the cuts mended, and second shot that should have killed did more good than damage as the energy fed its metabolism and healing powers. A flare of machine gun fire from behind sent the beast running into the woods.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" yelled the Colonel grabbing my shoulder and with a strong pull, spun me around, "When I tell you to stay in a group, I mean stay with the group"

"The Wraith can make you see things," added Teyla equally as furious and concerned, "whatever you think you saw, you did not see; get that clear in your mind!"

"Let's go!"

---

The rain came down heavy and as it added weight to my clothes, it melted the ground below into a sea of mud. The terrain almost became impossible to run and I loosing the will to carry on. It had been three quarters of an hour and still no closer to the gate, the forest was getting thicker and view was pitch black bar the steams of light that came from the torch, and I can still hear that bastard in my head. From the distance it was taunting me, it wasn't finished me, as if it wasn't enough that to hang me in the air from my neck, it had to torture me too.

"Another break," called Rodney from behind, he stopped resting his hands on his knee before facing the sky for some refreshing rain.

"We cannot keep stop every ten minutes!" Ronan was pissed, stamping his feet into the ground a like a tantrum prone child,

"McKay! You can rest on your ass and eat sandwiches as much as you like once we reach the gate..." oooh harsh, "...but we're never gonna get there if you keep slowing us down."

"If you are in need of rest," Rian asked handing me a bottle of water

"I'm fine" I shot back, wasn't meant to be a harsh as it sounded but I knew the answer to that questions,

"Don't think you need to make up for time you lost, it wasn't your fault," yes it was, my liver felt like it caved in on itself, my sore lungs were dry and the muscles of my thigh ached in pain I've never felt before. But I had to keep going, had to keep up with everyone else, had to stop being the burden I was. An hour ago I slowed them down, had them looking for me, put Rian life at risk, that was all my fault, the delay I caused was my fault, and if we die, if we don't make it, it's my fault.

"Why would they tomb the Wraith?" Teyla said opening up discussion to the floor, her subtle way of getting a few minutes rest before someone reminds everyone that we need to carry on moving.

"They should have just killed it," unfortunately Ronan they didn't, what's even more surprising is why he hasn't yet killed it. "Why keep it alive,"

"They couldn't murder it," I answered, "Letters on the wall said the Ancients crash landed here, they were stranded with no idea which planet they were on and where the gate was, they built shelter and decided their only way off was Ascension, part of enlightenment is knowing when not to kill and seek an alternative means of self defense, why do you think the Ancients shield technology wipes the floor with everyone else."

"Well why didn't anyone come looking, there's enough left-overs from the wreckage to send an SOS," called out McKay over the sound of thunder.

"It was the final retreat, they were recalling everyone from the remaining colonies, the convoy of transport ships were being escorted by some of the military ships, they were forced into a fight over in the system, the others escaped but I guess they didn't turn back because of the risk to the others, run with as many as they could protect."

"Well that sucks!"

"Indeed," It was probably the last word Rian said before he fell to the ground as his foot was pulled back and his body was dragged into the forest,

"Rian!" I drove forward to the grab his hand but missed it by an inch, that haunting look of fear in his eyes was scorched into my memory as he disappeared into the darkness. I pulled out both Zat's as I scrambled to my feet and ran after him without a second thought, running like before but this time with the others close behind and guns blazing. We lost him, we stood in the center of a clearing, with and stars and moon lighting the circle of trees, the Wraith could have taken him in any direction, he could be anyway and we lost him.

"Teyla?" Asked John

"It could be anywhere," not helpful, but the sound of him crying out in pain was clear enough, he was dead ahead and I ran, the Colonel we about to order otherwise but me disappearing into the woods kinda cut him off. "He should stop doing that," Teyla said raising her P90 before chasing after me. Following that sound, every second that it echoed in my ear turned every drop of fear into rage, that Wraith was taking away from me the one thing that gave me hope in this whole year, no fucking way I've giving him up without a fight.

---

Didn't have much skill when it came to throwing but when your sprinting across the forest and but that speed into a pointy stick aimed in the back, it can hurt a Wraith like a treat! I knocked it on the floor ripping its feeding hand off Rian's chest, where the life was being sapped and blood seeped. I pulled out my Zat and gave it one more hit, this time it felt the pain of the electricity rather than feed off it. It took a step back, catching its breath before the round of semi automatic machine gun fire and one laser gun entered his chest. Disappearing into the shadow I lent down to Rian, oh god all the blood, seeping from the cuts in his chest, all the red pour all down his body. Rodney had is back to me while he watched the space the Wraith vanished into, I reached up and pulled his back pack off him almost taking him down with me. Frantically rush through all the crap in it grabbed something and just added pressure to the wound, he was cold on touch, look of fear in his eyes as he went into shock, body shaking, breathing shallow, pale skin.

"Don't go," I whispered, his eye slowly moved towards me, he was gonna fight this, it what he does he fights for people. "Promise,"

"Promise,"

---

"You cannot hide from me!" Piss off! It wouldn't leave us alone, taunting us in the dark as we ran for the gate, the voice can be heard from every angle you never knew where though, wish it would stay in one place long enough for us to shoot it, left then right, ahead then behind us. Louder in my head than my ears, it was in there again, listening, speaking; I could hear it but couldn't block it out. Stupid freaky Wraith power, pain in the arse. "They hear me, they will come, and you will suffer for your defiance!"

"What does he mean by that?" McKay asked, he stopped not so far behind us. I would turn to face him but I was holding Rian up, his arm thrown over my shoulder as his other hand was applying pressure to the wound on the chest, if Beckett knew what he was doing he would have a fit and a half. He changed the patch often, throwing the others to the ground as if I didn't notice how much he was bleeding, it was serious but he wanted to hide it from me, if we stopped then we're ducks if we moved with would do him more harm than good, but I could take a hint, I knew which of the two he chose, not gonna argue with him. But he's getting an earful when we get back, at that moment I couldn't help but laugh in my head, two weeks and I'm already sounding like his wife, how sad is that. "Who does he mean by 'they'?"

"Teyla how far that this Wraith psychic network cover?" Sheppard was really beginning to freak everyone out; we knew where this was going. Teyla shook her head, she couldn't have known for sure but far enough to call for help. Hive ship, cruisers or a dozen squadron of darts. How many ways to die tonight. We continued running, cos in the distance was the sound of running water and light blue haze of the chevrons. Hours of cross country felt like days but the finishing line was in sight, and thank god, I could feel Rian getting heavier, he was loosing strength and energy, I called out to him several times to wake him up, like his legs where ordered to carry on running while he passes out on me.

"Wake up, com'on get up we're nearly home," he lifted his head as if it were a great heavy weight, eyes were so tired, he's slipping.

"In vain!" That gravel voice, that time it wasn't psychic words in my head, it's behind us, slowly emerging from the trees pushing out the stray branch which rained leaves, "So close, to only die," The mechanical whirring rang throughout the countryside as the lights of the gate lit up, an incoming wormhole dialing in, "so close." What do we do, a Wraith army were about to swarm the area, we couldn't dial out before they dialed in; the gate was too far across the gorge bridged with a stone path. And this son-ov-a' stood before taunting us even though were the ones with 5 guns aimed at it. The splash of water signaled the opening of the gate, the wormhole was created and the passengers would arrive, the foot soldiers? Darts?...A Puddle Jumper?! It gracefully slid out and stretched out its engines, the soothing sounds of its humming as it floated feet's above the ground. Carson in the drivers' seat, Elizabeth in the passenger and a team of marines armed to the teeth waiting for a piece of the action. The expression of shock and disgust as they looked upon the monster stalking us, Carson fear flooded him mind and the Jumper knew, it felt him and eased his concerns, and a drone weapon launched from the missile rack on the left hand side, and had that Wraith clear in its sights.

"RUN!" John didn't need to say that twice, we made our way over the narrow stone bridge, carefully but quickly. The drone weapon kindly maneuvering to the side and out of our way. The Wraith stood still as the yellow glowing missile approached, getting bigger and brighter with every second, it knew what it was, this thing of great destruction but never in person did I think it glanced upon its beauty, kinda like a bug-zapper. An almighty boom exploded as the forest and cliff was reduced to a flare of fiery ash and smoking rubble. We were close to other side but the crumbling rock of the stone bridge behind us was getting closer, we would have fallen 50 feet into the shallow river below us. The ground beneath Teyla's feet collapsed in to the deep, and throwing her P90 aside she used both hands to grab the edge, keeping herself from falling. Myself and Rian only just made it across with a small jump landing face first into the ground. Her fingers slipped under the sand and stone, but before a great plunge Ronan held her arm and with one effortless grunt pulled her clear, any stronger and she would have been thrown over his shoulder rather than being thrown into his arms.

"Thank you,"

"And you keep telling me to watch my footing."

Coughing out the dry mud I swallowed I turned to the fallen body beside me, "We made it" silence, I would have once given anything for some peace but now a reply, witty remark, grunt, sigh of relief. Why won't he speak? A nudge to his shoulder, wake up, why won't he wake up, "Rian?" wake up, please wake up, the blood stopped running, you promised.

"CARSON!" Called out Elizabeth as she noticed the pale body laying beside me

"RAIN?!...please," His body now turned over onto his back, he promised he would make it, I want to hold him, wake him, grab him by the shoulder and shake him till he came too, anything for just to breathe. I went out to reach him but Sheppard pulled me back, holding me there and with that expression on Carsons' face. I broke down in John's arm, collapsing onto the floor as my legs gave out, the air escaped my lungs, the tears drowning my eyes, I couldn't speak, breathe, scream. My skin turned cold and misery flooded my mind as my heart dropped, it took me few seconds, to make a sound, movement, a reaction. And I cried, consumed by the pain of loss. I just wanted to hold him; I didn't wanna let him go.


	4. Last Breath

Fags, I told myself I had given up smoking, but I still brought a packet with me. Never know when you would need one, I told myself. I was doing so well for 3 months. Everything was a mess, I didn't just mean my room, I hadn't left it much in a week. My head my life my future. It hurts, like something is in me, eating away at me, it's hurt to miss him. My eyes hurt, I was crying again, couldn't keep it, oh God why is gone?

He saved me, from the Wraith and myself, it's my fault, I ran, he came after me, I should be dead, not him, oh God why him?

It was sunset again, little light coming from the curtain, time flew by but every moment was forever in a day, and the swelling pain burned. Where is this packet? What am I doing? Had so many people visit, some from McKay's team just being nice, _'sorry for your loss'_ I hadn't given them the chance to, kept quiet, kept the door locked. Everyone who was there, saw it happen, the came by too, kept quiet, kept the door locked. Weir came over with a medical team, worried I might have done something stupid in my grief, kept quiet, kept the door locked. They used the security override. Heightmyer came, quiet, locked. Was ordered to see her. Leave me alone, screaming the words in my head but never the energy to shout them out.

I'm gonna have to go, can't have a depressive wasting away in the halls of Atlantis, week was almost up, had to get back to work tomorrow. All I can do is cry and hate, still. I hate myself so much for killing him, I hate those ugly pasty fucking bug faced freaks, gimme a Wraith and a power drill to the skull.

Probably wouldn't help. Teyla's at the door...again...I love her to bits and appreciate it I do but I wish she wouldn't. I don't wanna ignore them, but I don't have the strength, to see them, to talk.

Sat on the balcony this morning, twilight not sunlight, saw the horizon orange and purple, so caught up in him, how we sat and watched it go down, didn't notice I was soaking wet sitting in the rain. It's raining so much these days, planets tilting into autumn, shame; the summer's was nice. I miss him so much.

Did think about it you know, what I said early, doing something stupid, makes the pain go away, never went too far, just enough to feel another type of pain, something other than the heavy one in my heart. They won't see it, was stupid thing but I did it smart. What am I doing? The new pain goes away but the old one's return, pointless, doesn't help in the end.

Choices, one thing you can't escape, do I run or not? Do I kill him or not? Let me think?

Should have just driven the knife in his heart myself, what would have been the difference? This way people don't have to lie. '_Oh its not your fault, the Wraith did it'_. Cut a little deeper or not, cut something vital?

Get showered? Get dressed? Do I? Don't I? Choices.

Fall apart?

Pull myself together?

Move on?

Walk away?

Rot away?

Wake up.


End file.
